When I reflect on this rollercoaster year of 2021, I think of a pinnacle of sadness, then there's a pivot to heightened happiness....
My mama's death in February took me to places of grief, pain, darkness and moments of wanting to be in isolation that hit me like a natural disaster. Since that fateful day of her gaining her wings, I have mentally paced each holiday, stating that if I could get past this one, the next one would be better. Smh. It hasn't happened like that at all. The latest spiral actually started on Christmas Eve night. While fumbling through a huge bag of recycled gift bags, I just happened to pull out the one that I used for her gift in 2019. Wow, I literally came to a complete stop, and said, "God, what is this?" I spent the entire Christmas morning in bed sobbing---crying my eyeballs out. Lying in bed, I relived every Christmas leading up to this one. There was only one (1986) that I didn't see her face. It was a rough morning to say the least. Having neither mama or daddy to celebrate Christmas with left me feeling orphaned and all those emotions spilled over in the a.m. hours of December 25, 2021.
Getting me through that morning and each morning since September 2019 was my now husband, Pete. He has lifted me, prayed with and for me, counseled me, consoled me, and aided me in caring for mama. He enjoyed visiting her, making her smile, taking her a slice of chocolate cake from The Heritage House, and cooking meals for her. He never complained about visits---standing in the hot sun, rain, and cold weather, doing whatever necessary because he loved me, and respected my deep love for mama. He had also fallen in love with the woman he never called Ms. Cherry. He started out fondly calling her, "Mama." His presence in my life is a beaming bright light of this 2021 year. Marrying him and being in a relationship like this is something that I've yearned for and prayed for. I'm grateful to God for Peter G. Singletary, Jr. Our marriage isn't perfect, but it's prayed for daily and perfect for me.
So, closing out 2021, there are a few things that ring loudly in my spirit, as I write:
1) Know that when you pray, sacrifice and focus, you don't have to look for love, it finds you. God will give you a quality love, rekindle a lackluster relationship or reunite a failed marriage.
2) Know that loving your parents, doing ALL that you can for them is one of the most beautiful and rewarding things that you'll ever experience. If you miss the mark, you can't rewind! The guilt key will be on repeat until you settle up with yourself and God. Love them. Love them. Love them while they are here, and live on with beautiful memories.
3) Sharing that you love someone isn't braggadocious...It says I'm grateful to God for the experience and I'm not ashamed. It is a testament and testimony of God's amazing goodness!
4) Meet people "where they are." Love them as it gives you peace to live your life, as you continue to pray for them. All relationships aren't meant to be repaired. Some need to be reassessed, then restructured when they are wrecking your place of personal peace.
5) Live YOUR life...not someone else's...
6) When making decisions, do what YOU can live with and/or what settles your heart in alignment with God. #GodAndYou
7) Use your God-given gifts and talents. You are blessed with them for a reason. It's called Purpose! đ
I thank God for my beautiful heartbeats, Kelsey, the fur-diva, Khloe, and those that my heart says, "I love you like you're mine." I thank God for family, in and out of brokenness đđ˝, great friends and TCV supporters! Thank you for choosing to hear my heart through this vehicle of written expression. â¤
Peace & New Year Blessings,
Lisa C-S