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The Measure of a Good Man, As I See It…

Updated: Nov 5, 2021

On Valentine’s Day 2017, I decided to salute my dad. Not having a ‘solid’ relationship of love and romance in tow, on this particular day, as I often do, I reflected on the love of my father, Evander. Even his name is indicative of manly royalty. Makes perfect sense that Evander, Evandros in Greek, is a derivative of the Greek word, Andros, which means manly. Because I’m forever daddy’s baby girl, I can take the meaning of that word a tad bit further… Godly, Gentlemanly, Genuine, a Giving spirit…A Good man.

The Bible speaks so eloquently about love in many verses. The one that reminds me most of my dad is this: “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.“~1 Corinthians 13:11 KJV. You see, my dad was not a perfect man, but the view, as I saw it every day of my life, was that of a real man, who “put away childish things.”

As my mom has shared, there was a pivotal moment when he (my dad) decided that being a father meant that he had to stop running the streets. At that particular snapshot in time, she told him that if he didn’t make some changes, she would tell me, his new baby girl, of the kind of man he was when I got older. Obviously, he did NOT want that. He didn’t take mama’s threat lightly, as apparently the impression that Evander’s children had of him was important to him. From that day until the Sunday morning that he took his last breath, he exuded the manhood and fatherhood of someone vying for reward. He represented everything that I feel a man should be. He loved his family more than he loved himself. He made us feel that everything and everyone connected to us was of the upmost importance to him also. He loved us beyond our faults, lifting us up and encouraging us to be better; to do better. He made us feel that nothing was irreparable…Anything could be handled and fixed, with the right attention given and definitely had to be done with love. In spoiling each of us, in his ever so kind and meticulous care, he still taught us independence and strength. Although he verbally said I love you, sparingly, we never doubted for one second, that he loved us more than anything on this Earth. What a man, what a man, what a man. What a mighty good man!

In conversing with a friend on this Valentine’s Day, chatting in a reflective zone, I questioned, “Is it better to have had a father like my dad who did everything he could or is it better to have a dad who just did half that? Do you understand what I’m saying?” He responded, “No….”  I said, “Well, my dad set the bar so high, being a father, that in a relationship, I look for the exact same thing–the same bar. I have to realize that no one will ever be there for me like he was. I shouldn’t expect that from a man. He doesn’t need to be my daddy…he can’t be.” In that moment, I realized at a different level that I don’t have to lower my overall standards of what a man should be in my life…I just have to be constantly aware that my father was just that–my father. This man, who God blesses me with, is going to be my life and prayer partner, the person I grow in God with on a daily basis, my go-to, my travel companion, my confidante, my best friend, the person who tries harder than anyone to understand my being…my wants, desires and needs, and for sure, helps me to differentiate between them. He will be the one who ‘checks’ me, when needed…all strong women need someone to do that. He will lift me higher when I rise and catch me, no matter how low I fall. He will have put away those childish things. He will not be my father, but a pretty good representation of the man he was.  What a man, what a man, what a man.  What a mighty good man!

So post-Valentine’s Day, I’m sending big hugs and kisses to the Good Men out there. I’m proud of those who are fathers, who are fully aware of, and living the purpose in which God gave them that assignment. For those who haven’t biologically fathered a child, you can be a father in every way it counts. I believe that little girls and boys, older children, and even adults, sometime need the love and attention that only a father can give. As I said to my friend–paraphrasing, “The legacy that every child should remember is that my dad did everything he could for me, while teaching life’s tough lessons along the way.” What a man, what a man, what a man.  What a mighty good man!

As for my newfound level of reality, I’m ready for the love of this new chapter of life to appear or re-appear—to make his presence and Godly purpose known. With that being said, I’m not confused….It’s not about what/who I want. Why?? Just like the wonderful daddy who God had just for me, this beautiful soul has to be the one God has just for me!! He doesn’t need to be a perfect man…just perfect for me. I’m not looking for him, but I am waiting …Waiting to think of him, and smile, while speaking silently in thought, or softly verbalizing aloud, “What a man, what a man, what a man. What a mighty good man. Yes, he is!” Thanks, Salt-N-Pepa, for “Whatta Man.” I knew this song would mean more than the ‘flava’ of the hip-hop beat and catchy lyrics one day! Glad that day is here! 🙂

Remember that God is Love! So, recognize and enjoy all of what Love represents, not only on Valentine’s Day, but Every Day that we have another blessed opportunity to do so! I’m celebrating and in love with The One who gives us perfect, unconditional love…Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!

Peace & Blessings,

Lisa B

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