Weeks ago, discussing a situation with my hubby, he entered the word "escapism" into the conversation. Taken aback, it was a wow moment for me. People escape emotionally, mentally, and spiritually to avoid pain associated with an incident, an event, or some life happening. For me, the woes of grief, truly 'seeing' people, and being just plain 'over' manipulative spirits, the multi-faceted throws of 'game', and not knowing what the heck I've done to folk behavior---all of it has all driven me here. Apparently, I have become an escape artist....
I'm not doing it! As my daughter says, "I ain't got it!" Let me get out and get away! Let me pretend that this doesn't exist. It's easy!! I don't have to let it carry much mind space at all. I can process it later. I'm escaping while my heart heals. I'm escaping, but also growing colder in emotion. Whether these people remain an integral part of my life renders numbness now. I can't risk the deep curves on the emotional roller coaster ride with my precious peace---a treasured solemn and soulful sunlight on the ocean view of the world. Nope, not risking that. In this season, it's not a fair trade. It is a fear trade, because I fear losing the solitude of sanity and calm. I've waited a long time to understand the priceless value of PEACE.
Yes, escapism is how I often operate now. What sustains me; what helps me manage the escape artistry is my faith in God. I truly believe that "no weapon formed against me shall prosper." So I move in smooth calmness, gliding through life, as God guides me. With His help, I try not to have my 'don't try me' button pushed---but that button does work! I do know that you can't escape forever, and forever is an extremely long time. In that, I stay in prayer, in intimate conversations with God, the Good and Perfect Father, to let me know when the escape show is over. No one can force it. It truly is a God thing; a God timing thing for me.
Be patient with us, the infamous escapism pros. Understand that it is a coping mechanism. It is our "turtle" head-in-shell move to manage the soils that enter our lives, whether recklessly plastered on us or self-served through our flawed thoughts, decisions, or actions. Pray for us and with us...It is a temporary thing. We come back stronger and wiser. We return from the cocoon with a lesson, as opposed to a total loss....mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It doesn't mean that we won't crawl back in that protective shell when things happen. It means that we're better equipped to stand, confront, and conquer those things that we have easily escaped from in the past. The cycle of revelation, reform, recovery, and restoration is a sordid, yet doable journey, even for those, like me, who are adamant protectors of their peace. Choice is an important ingredient for any piece of peace cake....
Peace & Blessings,
Lisa C-S